By Rilwan Muhammad
The world, in its laughable surmisal, thinks it’s conspicuously winning the fight against me, unbeknownst to it that I’m just lurking, rearranging my pernicious tactics before I resurface.
But something in me is telling me that I have overstayed my welcome so much that some people no longer fear me.
These African people, I don’t know what’s their problem. When I first sprang to my feet and took my legs to the continent, they didn’t care to even give me a warm reception. I had to kill as many White people as I could to make Africa know that I’m deadly.
The African leaders, I didn’t want to leave them to their own devices, I knew they would get wrapped up in confusion and couldn’t roll out effective containment guidelines, so I gave the developed countries the assignment of warning the African leaders to be careful with their management of me and just copy what the developed nations do without a murmur, even if that was not compatible with their social, cultural, religious and economic reality.
That’s why I’m now finding myself vacillating between taking my leave of Africa and shocking them with my second wave. But with the way their people, especially in Nigeria, are hurling boulders at my fragile body; saying that I have only created an organised avenue for officials assigned to fight me to divert funds and that Nigerians have the envious active immunity in the world, is making me think that I will leave Nigeria. Me that wanted to take them by surprise and make them learn that I’m more virulent than the other strains they heard of, MERS and SARS.
My first challenge with Nigeria was to even gain acceptance into the country and be given the desired national attention. I’m not stupid! How can I debase myself and give the impression that I’m not deadly to the leaders of Nigeria! You know them, they will take me for granted and give me lousy attention as they gave sister _Ebola_ and now Aunt _Lassa_. I hate to say it, but these two epidemics are more deadly than I am, who can even talk about their virulence! I had to secretly consult them before I entered Nigeria.
My sister, Aunt _Ebola_, lamented that when she was in Nigeria, everybody continued to go about their normal life, even the government didn’t show any required commitment to contain her. She even said to me that the government didn’t even provide many isolation centres across the country as they are currently providing for me. Hmmm I didn’t come to play hide and seek game with them!
Aunt _Ebola_ recounted in a pitiful, somber tone how Nigerians got quick remedy by bathing with salt water. But who even told them that that was the remedy? I hear they got it from a random WhatsApp/Facebook message that went viral. The ones that didn’t bathe with salt water are now even feeling big, because they couldn’t fall in for the derision and collective abuse of their intelligence.
One would think Aunt _Lassa_ would have it her way, but that didn’t happen. She told me how she stepped in and made camps in both north and south. In the north, she said, she wasn’t even given the due concern by the government. Despite taking the lives of many people in Bauchi State, nobody was even talking about her in the country.
Me, how could I allow this to happen to me? What Nigerians did to my sisters is still eating my heart and soul out. That’s why I had to strategise well before I come to this Nigeria where the people, my possible suscepts, thought their environment and innate vertical resistance to diseases would prevent them from my macabre grip. It was not easy at first, but looking at the Nigeria’s poor legislative method of disease prevention and control, I felt very sure I could make it through the airports.
Once I was fully established, who would even think of eradicating a virus that couldn’t be excluded from entering a country! That was how we plotted and succeeded in introducing black rats from Cotonou into Nigeria. The Nigerians’ wont of wanting anything at cheaper prices propelled our idea of putting black rats into the fairly used cars they buy from Cotonou. With weak legislative measures of preventing the import and spread of pathogens into the country at the borders, introduction of new breeds of rats into Nigeria was a success. Do I need to tell you that these black rats are agents that spread _Lassa_ fever?
So, knowing Nigeria as I do, I started catching the top brass; the big men. If I had started with the poor that can’t even go for medical check-up because of the sorry-state of their healthcare system, nobody would have known I existed and I would have no option but to shamelessly go back to where I came from. Number 3 of my acceptance strategy is: catch those that detect even a mild headache and whose pocket can suit reporting to hospital to seek immediate medical attention. I followed just that, and kept pressurising the big countries to force Nigeria into taking me serious. I know this Nigeria, if I didn’t force the developed nations to lockdown airports and everything, the big politicians and big men would sneak out of the country to other big countries to seek medical attention anytime they caught me.
Even if it’s a mild ailment, I hear they fly to countries with better healthcare system and get treated there. Me, I’m very kind as I have now forced everyone to seek medical attention home. This my Nigeria, I want her to learn that its sectors are suffering decay and that it should do something about it. I had to force myself to not let out a guffaw when I saw governors and other big men lying on averagely made hospital beds, with-made-in-Nigeria doctors attending to them.
When I was my friendly self at first, Nigerian government thought they could deal with me within a fraction of a second. How dare them! I only had to send hundreds of Nigerians to hospital beds to tell the government that I’m not like my sister, _Lassa_. I like causing harmless damage to people’s respiratory track, and when Nigeria heard that, it feared I’d spread like a wildfire, especially in their overpopulated schools, markets and places of worship. It was a trick! I deliberately made W.H.O. to think and research within the remit I only want them to. I’m still giving them hard time. The more study they carryout on me, the more complicated I seem to them, and this is helping me to make fun of W.H.O. and have their recognition and credibility lost before nations that hold them in high esteem.
Even China and America, didn’t I succeed in igniting a rivalry between them!
I didn’t spare even private schools, I forced government to close all schools. For universities, I needn’t exert any extra effort for they were already on strike. They should have consulted me before embarking on their industrial action. I would have advised them that the timing wasn’t approximate. Who’s even talking about them now that I’m the talk of the world!
The worshippers, I thought they would say No to the closure of their places of worship. I thought they would argue that they don’t fear death, that they would use their places of worship and kill me during their prayer session. But they succumbed to directive by government and closed.
For the markets, that was the big problem. Me, I don’t like crowd, it’s innate. But if I forced them to close markets, they’d complain and even do riot. That wouldn’t mean good to me. All the same, I sent them home for weeks before they later gave me a heavy kick in the teeth and reopened.
I know many Nigerians, even their leaders, do not keep on the right side of the law, so I kept a tap on the Presidential Task Force and kept dictating terms to them. Some of them didn’t even know that there was a centre for fighting me and my likes. The Chairman of the centre is still sending me thank-you messages. He said I made him popular, that he is now at the wheel; he calls and sits with the President anytime he likes, he decides on the number of cases, he decides which agency should reopen and which shouldn’t. He said he now has the full rein to demand whatever sum of money from the federal government to fight me. He is thankful that even the money minister is now not delaying the approval of his requests. He told me so many secrets and pleaded with me not to divulge it to anyone. He is my friend, I can’t renege on the promise I take for him.
My fear is, Nigerians are beginning to understand that my virulence was only exaggerated. Those that earlier nodded approval to my existence are now changing their minds. They are accusing their government of using me to achieve certain goals that I still don’t know.
I didn’t know how they decided to reopen markets and reallow other social gatherings. Some people say if I truly exist and I’m virulent as they were made to believe, they need to see at least one person that caught me to make certain that I exist.
Some say the circumstances surrounding my management in Nigeria is construing their belief that I’m only in Africa on an errand. Some even accuse the government of misplacing priority, saying that my Nigerian grandmother, Mama Malaria, is claiming more lives per month than I claimed since I came into Nigeria.
I’m enjoying my stay in this Nigeria, but these people are trying to chase me. I knew that when I saw them going about their mundane activities without facemasks. Even government officials wear it because they’re forced to, but they loose it anytime they are not being observed.
If they want me out, that’s fine. I’ll leave. But didn’t my coming teach them big lessons? Health workers are still thanking me, that my coming has changed everything in their sector, the allowance and all.
The other big sectors; Education, Agriculture, Security, etc, I pity them. I pray one day your government will increase its sectoral allocation in its budget to make things better for my suscepts, Nigerians, whose immunity I envy.
Rilwan Muhammad can be reached via reedwandk@gmail.com 07061124918
